Major Setback

Major setbacks do happen and every since last Sunday in Sunday School I have been sliding headlong into a dark mental place inside me. Like the good and evil are having a fight and I’m just stunned wondering who will win? Two major distinct pieces of my personality are at war with each other.  The true good and evil fight. They say the good can be represented by a white dog and the evil is a black dog and the story goes whichever dog you feed will triumph. But I hurriedly feed each one just enough to allow it to survive but not to triumph one over the other. It’s because of my book “Scar Wars Forged In Fright” you see I asked for prayer for my first speaking engagement on the book and the causes and help for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My church family did not know that I had written and that I had a publisher who finally released it in early March. They bombarded me with questions after class and I repeatedly told them that this book was about mental, physical, and sexual abuse and it was very hard to read because of the content but they insisted to know where they could get it, so I told them the places I knew had it and that was Amazon.com, Amazon Kindle, Books-A-Million and Barnes & Noble. And I figured that was that, but my heart took a nose dive. Then On Monday one of these elder women of the church called and asked did I have any copies and I said yes and she asked to buy one and I heard myself say yes, and on Wednesday night I had the book to give her but the transaction took place in front of everyone as we were getting seated for church. I sold four copies that night. All to women that I admire. I know these people love me but, the thought of them knowing about the darkest days of my life kind of blew a fuse in my head. I saw my therapist yesterday and we talked a little about it and the cause and effect Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had on me and to some degrees still has on me. I left her office feeling really good and uplifted but then depression just overwhelmed me.  It is the shame that gets to me. I know I have NOTHING to be ashamed about, but I still feel shame. The abusers want you to feel that way because it is another way they get you not to tell. You do not want people to know that this horrible thing happened because you don’t want to be different.The Truth is You are FOREVER different. So Sunday I will go to church and that little girl inside me will wonder what they think about the person I am. Who I am is not based on that abused child. But there is a great fight inside me and at this moment do not know how to stop it. Right now,  I am just trying to keep my life at an even keel.

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About authorjlpitts

J.L. Pitts is a Non-Fiction writer. She blogs about her faith and writes probing articles on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She is also a poet. Her newest book was published recently "Scar Wars Forged In Fight" is already stirring the nest in her memoir with a tell-all format. She is writing her third book also a non-fiction work about creating a closer walk with God. She is now a Certified Professional Counselor who specializes in helping clients to become at ease in any social situation. She herself learned these tactics after her own treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder showed her the gap in evolving in a therapeutic setting and evolving in today's society. Horrified by the fact that 22 soldiers diagnosed with PTSD commit suicide every day induced her to start this blog to reach out and connect with anyone dealing with PTSD and needing a hand back into society. As a Certified Group Facilitator she has started a Meetup Group for PTSD and is currently seeking a venue in the Huntsville, Alabama area. She has been sought out by radio talk shows on the internet and people with Podcasts that are booming. She feels younger every day because she stays so active Add to all that she is a Freelance Writer who never misses a deadline. Most of her free time is spent building a website for her career. You can check out the unfinished site at http://authorjlpitts.wix.com/authorjlpitts
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