“Scar Wars Forged In Fright” is live on Amazon Kindle! I decided I would like to share part of Chapter One with my friends that have supported me by being supportive of my blog. The publishing of my book is not the end of my Journey to Healing, It is just a stop on the perpetual Journey. The book is about how I lived with, dealt with and healed from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am now a Certified PTSD Social Integration Coach. I am also working on my third book.
WARNING May trigger PTSD Symptoms
She was snuggled up next to her husband in bed; she was seventeen and he was twenty-one. He was her Knight in shining armor, always ready to protect her. Now the light from the street lamp had given an eerie glow to the room. She hated light creeping into a room where she was sleeping, especially when it came from behind a door jamb. She had awakened because of the moaning. Dear God, the moaning, she thought. It was the repetitive incessant moaning that was torturing her nightly. No one could hear it but her. She had heard it for many years yet it still frightened her. As the sun started to shine it took the place of the street lamp and when the light came through the door jamb she became extremely frightened by it. She knew her Knight would be leaving for the Army base soon and she would be all alone with the moaning. She hid under the covers so her fears did not disturb his morning routine. She never told him about hearing the moaning because they were newlyweds and she did not want him to think he had chosen what she called damaged goods. That thought brought back images of the miscarriage and the horror of it all made her feel like something dark was lurking inside her and she just might shatter into different shards of herself. Whatever fears the night would bring, she knew she had to endure but; during the day she never heard the moaning and never felt scared. That was when she changed into just another happy housewife. She would make things run smoothly in their new two bedroom trailer that had all the comforts they needed and cost all the money they could afford. She aspired to be the perfect wife and did housework, cooking, and laundry on a regular schedule. This was what she was going to be perfect at, a wife and one day a mother. She was childlike in her aspirations because truly she was only a child, but through it all she maintained a normal daytime life. It was only when the sun went down that the moaning would fill her mind and cut off all the senses, except the sense of hearing. What was it? Where did it come from? Why was it so deeply embedded in her mind? What was so wrong with those slivers of light from between the door jamb that would cause her to roll up like an infant and wish it would all go away? She was alone in this nightmarish ordeal. No one else knew the horror she endured nightly. She played the loving wife during the day and survived the nights. Her Knight in shining armor was there with her at night to make curling up like an infant feel safe. His very presence helped her through the nights when the moaning was at its worst. Even the quiet sounds from outside the house, normal night sounds, would begin to fade away until she heard nothing but the moaning in her head. Then it happened! Her Knight in shining armor had a field maneuver and would be gone for two weeks. She cried when he left, him thinking she loved him so much that parting was too hard on her, but she was thinking of the frightening nights that would come while he was away. Two weeks– fourteen nights to get through. She put on her own mental armor and stood strong that first day. But slowly the sun sank and she did not want to go to bed. Not alone. So she stayed in the living room watching late night television until she just suddenly went to sleep. When she woke up the next morning she felt stronger and made the plan to do that for the next thirteen days. The sun would set every night and fear would grip her, but the television would keep her attention until she could just fall asleep with no sounds of moaning. It was working! Until the eighth day. She did her usual housework and the sun took its slow time sinking into night. Somehow the darkness that came that night after the sun went down frightened her even more. The coolness of the night air made her realize fall was coming and the nights would be longer. Her heart was in her throat, but she stood firm. She had the plan, it did not matter what time the sun set as long as she could just stick to the plan. She watched the late night shows, but this night was different the moaning started before she could fall asleep. The first night since her husband, her shield, her Knight in Shining Armor had left. There was no sleeping on the couch that night there was too much light from the streetlamp. Its eerie yellow glow made the living room with all the windows suddenly unfriendly. Her mind was moving fast, what could she do to get through the night? She decided the bedroom with its only one window would make things feel safer. Certainly no one would look in and with only the one window the eerie yellow light would not encompass the entire room. The thought ran through her mind, was she safe? Why had it started earlier on that night and as the very thought crossed her mind the moaning became louder than usual? She could get in the closet, the thought rushed through her mind, but the small closet would let the light in between the closet doors and that was a terrifying thought. She hid in the bed with the covers pulled all around her and that is when it happened. Her eyes were shut, but she could see a room in its eerie light, but she must be dreaming because she had never seen this bedroom before, had she?