I started a new book about 1-2 months ago and started working on the second chapter Friday Morning.. Yes, I said months. And yes I had only completed a 1.600 word chapter. Since it is a book about having a relationship with God (You know Jehovah, The One True Living God). The first chapter flew out of my mind through my fingertips and darkened the white screen of a word document. I was stunned. It was such a creative flow that just occurred simply out of nowhere. As quickly as it started it stopped. So I had one very good chapter for the book. I was proud of that fine beginning. When I stopped I felt it was exactly what God wanted said and He had inspired every word of it. So I waited for the next burst of inspiration. I got busy with schooling and projects for my book marketing and one day I realized I had already told people I had started writing the book but realized I never received another inspiration like that.
In my head I thought of ways I could get inspired by the Holy Spirit again. I thought I will fast. But I can go hungry for a long time so instead of not eating I have to take my favorite thing I love and fast from it. I knew what it was right away. My Frappuccino Starbucks coffee in the bottle. I told myself I could give it up for a week. I actually went 8 days! But nothing. I didn’t even lose weight. I just couldn’t believe it then when I was sitting in the Chiropractor’s office a week later thinking now why did that not work? Fasting would surely show God I am ready for more inspiration, right? I went over the process in my head and yes, I had dedicated the fast and told God I am going to fast for seven days would you please Inspire the words to come for the new book. I remember all week hoping that would work. Telling myself surely the Lord knows that I am serious but not once did I pray.
I just kind of said hey I am giving this up for You so You will inspire me and let that stand. Oh the Great and mighty Julie gave up her coffees and was proud and boasting about it. I was too busy fixated on the thing I had to give up and praising myself for being able to do it that I did not pray at all I was just showing off! My heart was not in that! My Will was in that! Yes I had the willpower inside me to go without my favorite thing in the world. Yes I had dedicated it to God. But first of all, after I prayed and dedicated the fast to Him all I could do was boast. I am fasting for the Lord I would say. I am giving up my most favorite thing in the world for God to give me inspiration for my new book I shouted. Like some fanatical Pharisee wanting glory for myself not God (side note: Oh, yes, by the way Thank You God for not striking me dead!) I had actually turned into one of the hypocritical servers of God that Jesus could not stand. The “look what I can do Christian”.
For this whole past year I had been having a very close walk with God . I asked Him to show me His will for my life and He has done some amazing reparation work on all that I destroyed during the eight years I left my husband’s side. The Holy Spirit started convicting me of my sinful ways at the end of the seventh year. And I had been praying and talking to God and had my whole heart in it by November 2013. In January 2014 I asked for my friends and family to pray for me to know God’s Will for my life and I stayed in prayer about it. A year later in January 2015 I have such joy and peace with God that I forgot about the lion stalking whom he may devour! (Pride goeth before destruction, an arrogant spirit before a fall. Psalms 16:18)
Well needless to say I got mercy from God for acting that way and because of that horrid behavior I did not get any inspiration. But Thank God Jesus laid His Life down for sinners and purchased us with the price of his blood. Because while I thought I was a righteous Christian I was more like the Pharisee making loud noises as he goes around doing good deeds so all may see. In my defense I did not go and tell all my friends and say look at what I am doing, but i did remind my husband a few times how I had given them up for God. I had still boasted. I was so very proud of myself but when I realized all that, it made me realize how quickly the devil can take a work for the Lord and twist it into something dark and sinful. I will find scripture on exactly how to fast the next time I try to do that FOR THE LORD and be silently in prayer about the whole thing.
I asked for God to forgive me and through Jesus that sin was thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. That night as I was asking forgiveness I said Father God if you want me to continue to write that book wake me up early and I will get on it. I wrote the second chapter and part of the third before I had to start my day. Tonight I tried my hand at it again. I had forgotten I had written all the way into Chapter three. And I felt inspired by what I had written so far (the way I write is I get inspired and write till everything is out of me and leave it alone then when I begin to write again I start reading whatever I have written no matter how far along I am from the beginning and what I had written under God’s inspiration inspired me to add more to chapter two.
Then Chapter three popped up and I was like Oh I had already started a new chapter but I looked at what I had been inspired to write and the subject of chapter three and God wanted that in Chapter two Because it fit perfectly there and Chapter three was not talking about that subject. So I read what I had written in this mysterious chapter I had forgotten I had written and said to myself. Yep, I know some scriptures and some thoughts that go in this chapter so I started writing what “I” had come up with, and inspiration left me so quickly I felt the void where it had been. There I was trying to use my own willpower to write this book about having a prayer relationship with God. This is totally God’s book because when I try to put my own feelings into it I just feel a deep void, and cannot go on. Now I am not saying this book is the inspired work of God at all. But He has made loud and clear if I am going to write about a relationship with God I am Immersed in one with Him myself.
The book is called Creating a Prayer Relationship with God. So if any of you have read this far you are probably a person of prayer and I ask that you pray for me to wait on God and to create the very relationship I’m writing about with Him. And that from the fruit of that relationship that God will bless others and teach them exactly how to humble ourselves BEFORE we come to Him.