Studying human behavior is fascinating! Learning to change behaviors already ingrained in a person is almost impossible to do without the person seeking help being committed to that change. I think people have learned unappealing behaviors through their lifetime and when they recognize them for what they are they really do want to change. Wanting to change and making a change are two different things. We with our whole heart want to change but if we do not commit to changing that behavior we lose the battle. I heard once from some news source that if you do something the same way every day for 21 days it becomes a habit. So I was a smoker and I thought if I can NOT smoke for 21 days I will be in the habit of not being a smoker. Well day 21 came and a great change did happen but not because I did not smoke for 21 days straight. I still craved the nicotine. But that day I made the decision that if I could keep myself from smoking for 21 days and I could keep on keeping myself from smoking. I made a commitment to myself that I was GOING TO STOP SMOKING. I had stopped smoking on May 11, 1995 but I made the decision and commitment 21 days later, I did it cold turkey. I had dreams for years that someone would ask me to hold a cigarette and I would just by habit take a puff and when I realized what I had done I was just so horribly upset I woke up crying from those dreams thinking I had to start all over! Every one of those dreams reinforced to me that my inner self never wanted to smoke again and I chose the path of my inner self.
Every person has that part of their inner self that only wants what is good for them and objects to bad habits. Finding that inner self that wants to commit to change is sometimes a bit daunting. Usually and especially when the bad habit is a mental health comforter.. A mental health comforter is any behavior that you repeat that makes you feel all is well. It can be drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, but it can also be that simple cup of coffee in the morning not all mental health comforters are bad for us. Warming our hands in front of a fireplace can be very comforting to someone’s metal health. But we do not use fireplaces year round in most places so it does not become and ingrained mental health comforter.
There are also positive mental health comforters such as eating healthy, exercise, and things like communicating with others (person to person not via texting).
But when you have an ingrained mental health comforter such as a drug problem that is when you will have to go further than finally making the decision to quit and finding the inner self who will commit to quitting. Some people are fortunate to be able to find that inner self more quickly and they are usually the ones who are able to firmly commit to change.
How many times have you decided to quit that bad habit, that is so bad, it may even be destroying your life? It is far easier to get to the point you know you want to quit than to the point where you are able to commit. Everyone has this unique inner self inside them. people may tell you how hard it is to quit a particular habit, but there are plenty of studies showing where many have laid down that very habit walked away and never turned back to it.
It is about true commitment. It is becoming more and more rare. Commitment in the world is rare indeed. Politically America has committed Commitment suicide with this last person that was elected president. There are commitments between countries that have stood for thousand’s of years. The islamic jihadist have committed their lives to a cause that has no foundation. But the people who are in that category know about extreme commitment.
So if you want to get rid of a bad habit or keep your marriage vows, dig deep, a little deeper, just an inch deeper and find your inner self. That is the place where all true commitment comes from.
So just remember quitting is not the same as stopping. Quitting is an idea that occurs to you. You cannot quit until you commit.