Did You Ever Wonder?

Have you ever wondered why you had stayed in a relationship when you knew it was nothing but grief? I was so lonely and so far away from what God had Willed for my life I accepted the very conditional love of a man. He actually pouted if I did not do as he wanted me to. He never laid a hand on me but the damage he did to me was deep and took seeking God to recover from it.

You see he has no idea what true love is. I knew he never had when he told me his history. But I was lonely and very depressed and he always lightened the mood. But he had one thing about him that I love dearly to this day. She was his daughter. She was only 7 when I met her she is 11 now. I have been out of her fathers life for many months but she meant as much to me as my own daughter. We got her every weekend even though he just had visitation on every other weekend. She completely stole my heart because she was so tiny and petite with these big eyes and long lashes and a sweet little face that they were set in.

When I met her I don’t think she knew what true love was either. But I changed that because I loved her wholeheartedly and put her first in our relationship he always wanted to fulfill our needs before hers but I tried to teach him you put the child’s well being first. He was good about paying child support he was late a few times not on purpose but because the way his paydays would land but never later than two weeks I really supported him getting that check out. And when we would get her I would get him to buy her clothes and shoes in the changing of the seasons, always making sure she had a warm jacket and gloves. I gave her my older daughter’s “Princess Dress” I had paid a fortune for it and my daughter had worn it till I  near about had to skin her to get it off and then it just hung in the closet.

When my new baby girl came into my life she inherited the “Princess Dress” It was white and embroidered and long almost looked like a wedding gown. I was eager for her to have it so I could watch the princess come out in my new daughter. It was a bit too big but we were together still as a little family unit when it finally began to fit her. She has it now but it is in a state far away, because when her father left me he immediately met someone new and they moved in together and he moved away from all his family and his daughter to be with this woman and when he packed everything he took my baby girl’s stuff with him to that far off state. But he came back and picked her up for the Thanksgiving Holiday and she found her belongings when she got to the new girlfriends house so I am grateful he took those things so she would have things around her to comfort her while making the transition with someone new in his life.

Her mother and I were very friendly and she had told me when he first left me that I could still get her and spend the day with her and that was so wonderful.

But today I found out two things. He did not know what love was and he never loved me.

I am back in God’s Will for my life I have reunited with my husband and we are a family unit again. I am very happy. But my little girl’s life is changing drastically. So fast for an 11 year old to even comprehend.

I called her mother today and shared the news that he put on Facebook. He got engaged. I hope it is true love and he has finally found the woman that made him learn about love. But I bowed out of my borrowed daughters life so there will be no more confusion for her and she will not be forced into showing loyalty to anyone. Her mother is very kind and understood I was doing what was best for the daughter we both loved. A big box will arrive for Christmas and Holiday cards will arrive and presents too. But there cannot be the mother daughter bond we had between us anymore that would not be fair to him or his bride to be and oh how confusing it would be for my girl. I love her too much to make her world a confusing place of love and loyalty. The new woman looks sweet in the picture he sent me of them together and I hope that is a good sign she too will love my baby girl and make a permanent bond with her new baby girl..

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About authorjlpitts

J.L. Pitts is a Non-Fiction writer. She blogs about her faith and writes probing articles on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She is also a poet. Her newest book was published recently "Scar Wars Forged In Fight" is already stirring the nest in her memoir with a tell-all format. She is writing her third book also a non-fiction work about creating a closer walk with God. She is now a Certified Professional Counselor who specializes in helping clients to become at ease in any social situation. She herself learned these tactics after her own treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder showed her the gap in evolving in a therapeutic setting and evolving in today's society. Horrified by the fact that 22 soldiers diagnosed with PTSD commit suicide every day induced her to start this blog to reach out and connect with anyone dealing with PTSD and needing a hand back into society. As a Certified Group Facilitator she has started a Meetup Group for PTSD and is currently seeking a venue in the Huntsville, Alabama area. She has been sought out by radio talk shows on the internet and people with Podcasts that are booming. She feels younger every day because she stays so active Add to all that she is a Freelance Writer who never misses a deadline. Most of her free time is spent building a website for her career. You can check out the unfinished site at http://authorjlpitts.wix.com/authorjlpitts
This entry was posted in Bittersweet goodbyes, God's Will, Life of Abundance, Motherhood, Pain and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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