I have nothing that would give me over to excitement, but I am so excited. God has been blessing me with His Word. And His blessings that are coming are so extreme I cannot help but be excited all the time. My daily Devotion tells me about all the blessings He wants to Give me if I follow his Commandments. I was so far away from God’s will last November but at the same time November 2013 is exactly when I knew I was not right with God. Now I had been living out of God’s Will for 7 years at that time but I changed last November to being accepting of being out of God’s Will to thinking how can I be so far out of God’s Will for my life? But I did not change anything I left the status “as is”, I knew I was out of His Will but I did not want to make any changes in my life to get back to Him. Then January 2014 I went to my Facebook friends and not knowing the changes that were to happen I simply asked them to pray for me to know God’s Will for my life because I felt as if he was calling me to be an Inspirational Speaker. But I just told them to pray that I would know His Will for My life.
By June I knew He wanted me to help people with learning how to deal with PTSD I had written a book two years ago on the subject about living, dealing and healing, from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. By the end of June my book was in the hands of a traditional publisher. Then I felt like God wanted me to help the homeless veterans but He showed me program after program that had abundant help. But I decided to give 2% of the royalties of my book sales to helping find more answers about the Disorder and new ways to learn to be free from it.
You see I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder by the time I was five.My First suicide attempt was at nine. And I lived fighting the flashbacks, nightmares, night terrors, psychosis From about 1971 until 1992. I came to a day in my life at 26 years old and I knew that was the make it or break it day. I sat with a gun on my lap as I talked to a Crisis counselor and she convinced me to see this one therapist before I made that decision. (If only that girl knew how she had changed my life that day she would know there is Jewels in her Crown In Heaven for saving my life). Seeing that therapist gave a name to what was happening to me. I just thought I was crazy in lots of different areas of my life but it was really only one demon to deal with and the therapist had all the equipment to fight him.
I learned for the next three years how to free myself from the horror of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It meant dealing with all the trauma I had gone through as a child and feeling the feelings that I was not allowed to have as a child. PTSD Therapy is hard work. PTSD from combat is worse because the government is trying to shut them up and make them keep quiet and that just festers wounds in their hearts and minds. 22 soldiers/veterans commit suicide every day in America . If you read my blog you know that I mention that a lot. It needs to be mentioned. There is treatment and therapy to save their lives. But what I have learned is that their trauma is so different than my trauma I do not have the answers they need to hear. But I give them my wholehearted support!
July I knew God wanted me back with my husband and daughter and that we should reconcile and become a family again. My husband however had spent the last seven and a half years alone. He had made himself stop loving me, to the extent he was honest and said he did not know if he could love me again. We turned to Pastoral Counselling and we had to stay together a lot more because my daughter was stunting in cheer practice and a girl fell striking her forehead and breaking her nose. She had a pretty severe concussion and we had to be together more tring to get herr through all that trauma. And we silently and sweetly started liking each other very deeply. And the Pastoral counseling was going very well. And then one day after months of my heart begging to hear it He said I love you. Just at the end of a phone call nonchalantly and only after I hung up did I realize he had said he loved me.
Now I am telling you God brings good out of anything bad! If my daughter had not been injured so severely we would not have spent as much time together again. But now the I loves are like sweet candy drops during the day and I know my husband chose me to love again. The bible Story that taught me God can bring good out of anything bad or evil was when David went after Bathsheba. You know that is a really horrible story. David got Bathsheba pregnant and her husband had been away out battling the enemies where David was supposed to be. Her husband was a very good man, a very loyal man, and he loved his king. But David decided the only way to fix the situation was for her husband to die in battle. He then made a pact with another soldier and said “now in the heat of battle draw back and let our enemies kill him. And that is exactly what they did. David had his blood on his hands and God sees and knows all so the prophet came to him and pretty much told him God;s judgement on Him would be that the baby Bathsheba was carrying would die. When the child was born even though David lay on his face and begged God for mercy for his son. God fulfilled the punishment and the child died. So what good could come of that? God took David’s love for Bathsheba and they had another son His name was Solomon. Yes the wise king Solomon had come from that horrible dreadful deed done years before.
I am so sorry that my child went through all that she did with the surgery and concussion but God used that very bad thing to position me and my husband back together.
So everything is so exciting! There is no excitement but just knowing I am finally in God’s Will again, thrills my soul. And he has revealed to me we as a family are going to have a more abundant life than we ever dreamed. The blessings are already raining down on us. But if you just looked at our family without using God’s eyes to see, well then you would see an over tired Daddy a sick daughter and a mother full of pain from arthritis and a back injury.
But look through God’s eyes instead. This family is back together, the sick child has both her parents tonight and the tired man sleeps peacefully beside me. And I am so excited about the direction my life is taking the pain seems less than it really should be. Of course there are bad days. But God has assured our future to be a Life of Abundance. My book comes out January 3, 2015. It is called “Scar Wars Forged In Fright” It tells of all the childhood traumas that caused me to live with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for many years. It will be a hard book to read. I hope you buy it and read it though. Most of all you will see how God used my illness to bring me to the point I am today. Today again I checked my bank account and there is still only $0.51 in there but I am wealthy beyond belief.
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