I an on disability. And the first thing I was told were things I could no longer do since I was on Disability of course you cannot work at a job. That one was understandable. But you cannot earn interest on your bank account,you cannot have a savings account and you cannot use a credit union because of that. You cannot go and buy a new car. You cannot purchase a house. Wait a minute I am on Disability. I cannot afford a new car. And buying a new house is way out of my income bracket. I get around $700.00 a month. I have to pay all my bills with that and usually buy at least 3 of the 8 medications I am on for my disability And then groceries. Because I have such a low income I receive EBT benefits around the middle of the month, but they only last about two weeks. Then I have to take the money for groceries out of the Disability money I am paid at the first of the month to completely make it. And sometimes my church’s pantry helps me when too many unexpected expenses come my way.
When I received the letter in the mail that my disability had been approved. My life became as disabled as my mind. By the way that is my disability, Mental Dysfunction. I have a lot of different Diagnoses and a lot of different medications. The side effects of the medications alone alone could kill me. I am not happy being on disability it has changed my world drastically for the worse. I want to be an able minded person, so I do take the medications and yet in the last 4 years that I have been on disability, the condition of my existence has become as disabled as my mind. The depression caused by being labeled disabled and the life it has lead me into is not conducive with the rhythm of rest of the world.
This year I took a chance and did some alternative procedures to medication. This is the best year I have had. I am craving a normal life. I want to go to college and get an Associates Degree in Liberal Arts with the focus on Interdisciplinary Studies. Having that degree can springboard me further through college because it links with many Bachelors Degrees. So I have applied and been accepted to a Non-Profit Accredited Online College. And in the middle of January I start my first term. I have applied for a Pell grant and am researching other grants to help me pay for an education that will eventually make the rhythm of my life conducive with the world again.
Oh but, my passion is writing. And I have written a book that will be published on January 3, 2015. “Scar Wars Forged In Fright” is the first book in a series that will actually outline how much abuse you have to continually give a child in order for them to become Mentally Dysfunctional to the point of being granted a mental health disability. This is my chance out of and away from disability.
The story of my dysfunctional childhood that created this dysfunction to the point of disability is all there in black and white. And it is just the first book in the series. It does not give details on my many hospitalizations, medications, and the treatments that have been used to get me to this mentally stable place in my life. I will always need medication. I will always research new treatment techniques and if I will not be putting myself at the risk of death I will probably try new treatments that they come out with in the future.
But if this book does well and makes more money than what I currently receive monthly from disability. I will no longer receive disability.My EBT Benefits will also be terminated. Although truth be told I will be disabled for the rest of my life, I do not want to be on disability for the rest of my life.
My hero is this man that I know and he is paralyzed from the waist down. I run into him almost a couple of times a week on my way to put in a prescription or to get one refilled. I see him at his job. His disability did not disable him. It changed his life’s view and how he had to accomplish things but it did not disable him.
Writing what is in my mind actually frees me from Mental Dysfunction. It has changed my life’s view. I am going to use my disability to become a productive person in society. I believe that before you get disability you should go through a seminar and in that seminar they would tell you every freedom being on disability will take away from you. How much more disabled you will actually become. Then will give you a plan that you can work on that will lead you to the other side of disability where you can become a part of working society again. Of course there are disabilities that you do not have the opportunity to come back from. Those are people who should truly be living on disability.
I have plans forgoing beyond being an Author and I may be that very person that gives those seminars to people who think disability is the only way to live. It should be used as a stabilizing tool and then there should be programs that propel you forward and out of the system as a more capable person.
I do not have cable, internet, or a home phone anymore I simply could not afford it when the last two medications were added. My estranged husband lets me use his internet so that I can seek new possibilities for my life, research alternative therapies, and keep this blog going. I am on so many medications that taking drugs seems ludicrous to me. My parents’s Alcoholism is a primary cause of the abuse I endured. They were not the perpetrators they were just oblivious to all that was happening to their children. I believe every person on any government aid even grants and scholarships for college should have to take a drug test and that would include their children 12 and up and be forced tostay away from any legalized drugs or Alcohol. Every person who works for the government should also be tested. From Senators, Congressmen and Women to our very own president and his family. We should all be accountable.
One last comment, I am always going to have this disability. But I am no longer going to let it make me disabled.