This is written in a Journal entry format. I am using this format because I am trying to look at the whole of what is my life and where my life plan should go from here.
My college dream was dashed today, due to the laziness at my previous college S.F.C.C. (which I had to pay to transfer the transcript) it seems even though I was made to pay for the transcript to be processed no one took the time to do it. I found out today the day before the registration period ended because the college I applied to NW.S.C,C would not answer any calls to the Admissions office this whole last week and even today the day before the fall term will start.. I decided to call a different campus to see if they could tell me whether my transcripts had made it in to Admissions but they could not tell from their campus so they transferred me via their private line to the campus I had originally chosen and it went to voice mail. The campus is a forty-five minute drive from my home and I have repeated the commute twice because they would not answer their phones. So it was suggested I call the S.F.C.C.my previous college which is now S.F.S. C.to see if they ever even sent the transcript. But to my utter amazement the girl had to go look it up in the pending transfers and found it sitting there in the black hole of waiting periods to be sent out. Yes the transcript will now be there for the Spring Term but, the college that I chose to go to has its Spring Term starting in January 2015, I wanted to go to this term, the Fall Term because I wanted to take speech and brush up on my English and my grammar. I wanted to be able to be a trained professional speaker so that I could have a good rapport with my readers. I am an affable type person and I will rely on skills that I do have for creating a rapport with my readers. In January 2015 however, the third to be exact, my memoir ‘Scar Wars Forged In Fright” will be released and I will have to have a big debut and that will be followed by hopefully, a lot of book signings. I know it will at least kick my need to market the book further into high gear. So I am taking it as a sign from God that at this time He does not have college planned for me. It seems that dream must go on hold. Then for my months I have been waiting for my estranged husband to make the choice whether to get back together again. I have been at his side as long as I could be during the day to let him know, feel, and understand that I really want my place beside him back. But he cannot open up. I killed something inside of him when I left him eight years ago and he cannot reconcile it. Today was to be our first marriage counseling session and the therapist had to reschedule. There is not another appointment until September third. So is God showing me this is not to be also? The same day I find out that there is no way I can go back to school the therapist cancels our marriage counseling? Is it a sign from God that these two things are not to come to pass in my life? I have fallen into the depths of depression that have not plagued me since February.I cannot seem to think this through to any other conclusion. Maybe I am supposed to just be a lonely spinster, that writes books about the horrible past that has been called my life. Yet for these last two things I take full responsibility, I could have registered early and had plenty of time for the transcripts to get here and I never should have left the nest of love my husband had for me in the first place, I shall just focus on my memoir release date of January 3, 2015, I am going to accept what I have in my life and who is willing to be in my life and just go from there. I still have my precious daughter. My books and my daughter will be the true things in my life everything else will just be what fills in the gaps.